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Move With Deb the Podcast


Feb 19, 2021

This episode was inspired by the headache I had after creating and posting episode one. 

I also share some of my wholistic beliefs that I organize my program around (pulled from my teaching materials so the audio quality is different fyi). 

I hope you enjoy listening. Maybe it sparks some thoughts and feelings for you as well.  

Transcription:

Episode_2

Welcome to Move With Deb. I'm Deb your friendly neuroplastician. And this is a podcast that explores the relationship between the body and the mind from a health at every size, judgment, free perspective. I teach you how developing a new internal conversation based on curiosity, self friendship and simple neuro-plasticity techniques can rewire your bodymind out of pain and emotional overwhelm to help you build the rich full life that you want to live. Disclaimer, this is not a replacement for medical care.

[00:00:50]Hi, it's Deb, back with the Move With Deb podcast.  I just wanted to tell you a story about how much I felt like shit after creating and posting my first episode last night, I share this story not to be self-indulgent. Although why not? It's my podcast. But to kind of quickly, illuminate my own experience of my thoughts and feelings as inputs into my physiological experience.

[00:01:23] So I had a lot of fear and anxiousness nervousness about creating the podcast, posting the podcast will people like it, will people have thought negative thoughts about it. And in general, I'm a very reactive person, to what I perceive as negative feedback. It's something I'm actively aware of and am working on.

[00:01:46] And in fact, have a lot of excitement about learning, like observing this part of me with extraordinary kindness. And I think the work that I'm doing on self compassion is going to be a real cornerstone of my liberation experience. That said had a lot of fear. Did it anyway. 

[00:02:08] If you follow my Instagram I have what I am calling a friends with fear practice, where I am learning to roller skate. So I'm intentionally inviting in things that I think are kind of scary to do and play with on purpose. So I can rewire my nervous system to have a kind of expanded window of tolerance around things that create fear.

[00:02:33] So this podcast, I suppose, is going to be a part of my friends with fear practice. So for a good day after posting the podcast and I did all the brave things that I wanted to do, any impulse that I had to hide, I could just recognize. And acknowledge, and then kind of hold my own hand as we posted the podcast, let people know about it and care for myself in taking the actions that I wanted to take, even though they felt scary and something feeling scary for me, has a very strong embodied experience.

[00:03:17] And it's generally not pleasant. So I had a headache had like a killer headache. It felt like a vice was gripped onto the back of my neck, pressing and squeezing. Like maybe like my head was gonna pop up off at some point. And  I had it all the way through a class that I am enrolled in, not ironically about, neuropathic pain and after the class, I was exhausted and overwhelmed by this headache and, and all of the feelings that I felt like I needed to hold back. That's what it finally dawned on me, what I was doing, what was happening. 

[00:03:58] So I wrote on a post-it note, I feel like I am a dam holding everything back because that was the image that came to me when I thought, what is this embodied experience that I'm having? I feel like I am a dam holding everything back. What I knew to be true and what I know to be true is that what I was holding back was fear, were thoughts and feelings, was the way that I was afraid I was going to think about myself, about creating the podcast. If somebody had something to say that wasn't good job, Deb. What, if somebody had a question, I couldn't answer. What if somebody doesn't agree with it? Me or the work that I'm trying to create in the world, the ways that I'm trying to offer help and care? That's what was the pressure in my head. So I knew, well, I can have a thought and a feeling.

[00:05:00] I can allow other people to have their own thoughts and feelings about my work. We don't have to agree. In fact, I can learn a lot from what we don't agree on. And I don't have to be mean to myself in the learning process. So I laid down and I said, we're going to open this dam. We're just going to let all of this flow.

[00:05:25] I was just by myself in my bedroom. I knew I was safe. I had Lionel next to me. I think I had my hand resting on Lionel's soft fur as a way to tell myself that I am fine, that I'm okay. that I'm safe. And I just opened the dam, that was the image that I had in my mind. And all of these feelings came out, cried a lot.

[00:05:51] I had a lot of feelings, but I also could feel it flowing through me in a way that felt healing and helpful. When I was done, I think maybe 20 minutes later, I got up and my headache was gone and I thought I don't need to defend myself. There is nothing to defend myself from. And I wrote that on a post-it note because that's the thought I'm going to practice.

[00:06:21] And now I also think of a dam in a different way. Dams are very useful. I didn't need to blow up my dam to open the dam, to relieve myself of the pressure. And of the headache, I didn't need to destroy anything, it just actually needed to let it operate as designed. Sometimes we put dams in places where they shouldn't be, and they affect the waterways, create change in ways that are unexpected.

[00:06:51] Sometimes we take dams away and we let the water flow and change the landscape back to something more natural. So dams can be helpful and they can be harmful. What was harmful for me in that moment was the sense that I couldn't feel something that I needed to hold everything back. That my idea of safety laid in, not feeling. I will say, having a headache is my body's way of saying, I know you want to not feel something, but you are feeling it.

[00:07:26] So that denial of reality became a headache because I was feeling it. Even though I didn't want to.

[00:07:34]These are my  holistic principles. I believe that healing is always happening in our body. I believe that humans have immutable worth and value. It means you are born with it and you die with it. There's nothing you need to do to earn it. There is no way to diminish your worth and value as a human being. 

[00:07:54] I believe our body mind operates survival first. Our survival instinct is a main driver of our physiology. The nervous system slash safety system is the boss of us. Our nervous system touches upon every organ and every system in our body. I believe that healing is our natural state. There are functions happening with your body all day long without our knowledge that are operating under the principle of healing. We have our lymphatic system, which is a cleansing process. We have our brain and autophagy at night. When you go to sleep, our brain literally cleans itself.

[00:08:41] So we are in a perpetual state of healing as human beings. So some of the work that we're doing is like, we're just inviting in more of that, or we're turning our attention to this natural healing state of our being. So that leads me to neuroplasticity our brain and our nervous system in our body are adaptable.

[00:09:07] You know, how you lift weights and you build muscle. That is our body adapting to a gravitational load. We make new neural pathways all the time when we're creating new thoughts and new ideas. We're always making new patterns. So along with our healing, our brains, our nervous systems and our bodies are adaptable.

[00:09:34] So we're going to apply these principles towards moving us out of pain. The human stress response is normal. We live in a very stressful world. And the way that our body minds respond to stress is normal. Some things about our culture to have decided that our human stress response is abnormal or undesirable.

[00:10:02] And so then part of our stress response has been pathologized. And I think that that's one cause for a lot of fear and catastrophizing. Human brains make patterns. The patterns are not meaning. So we're going to talk about predictive coding. We're going to talk about the construction of emotions and just going to debunk some ideas about our thoughts and feelings and how we come to conclusions about what we believe and how that plays into our somatization of pain.

[00:10:44] Thanks for listening to the podcast this week, I look forward to sharing my thoughts and ideas with you every week about pain and the brain and how we put it all together. If you want to see more information about what I am doing, you can follow me on Instagram, at move with Deb, or check out my website, Deb malkin.com.

[00:11:08] I also have a resource guide. If you sign up for my email list, you'll get a multiple page resource guide filled with all kinds of helpful stuff. My eight week pain recovery program is open for new clients. So if you'd like to, sign up, please send me an email to paincoachdeb@gmail.com or go on my website and book a 45 minute curiosity call with me.

[00:11:40] We can chat about what the program looks like and whether it would be helpful for you.